Bubbe's (Grandma's) Visitor
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Bubbe, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
"What? You’re coming empty handed?"
MEMORY
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friends replies, "A carnation??"
"No. No. The other one," the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?"
"Nahhhh," growls the man. "You know the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, Yes that's it.
Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
The Captain
In the mid 80's a cruiser of the U.S. navy put in to port in Catahegna, Spain for a week's shore leave.
The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from an upper-class Spanish lady:
Dear Captain, On Thursday, it will be my daughter's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, rich, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. One last point: No Jews---We don't like Jews.
Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door, which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, wealthy BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she got out,
"There must be some mistake."
"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."
